What does the missing dairy farmer look like?

Shi#t

Shi#t

This is the shirt that had to be left on the lawn because it was too dirty for the laundry. Check out the collar. He was wearing it when it became…soiled. Imagine the man.

Me: “So, who got you? Was it 1257 or 800?”

Him: “I don’t know – it was too quick, I was blinded and they were firing at me from all directions – in front and behind.”

Me: (Trying desperately not to laugh) “What did you do?”

Him: “I groped about and found something really thick and thought, ‘Great, that’s a hose’ and just blasted myself with the fire hose for a few minutes. And a few minutes later, another one got me from behind and it flowed down over my eyes before I could stop it, so I don’t know who that was either.”

Me: “Oh, you poor thing. But you seem in good spirits…”

Him: “Yeah. I decided that s#$t happens, so I might as well just take a break and have a drink. I peeled off my shirt, hosed myself down again, had that drink, and milked like this.”

Me: “What – in the nude?”

Him: (Indignantly) “With my shorts and gumboots on! I added an apron when the tanker arrived in case I scared the driver.”

Me: Raucous laughter.

Him: “Feel my hair”

Me: “Ah, no thanks.”

Him: “Go on, feel it…Don’t look at me like that…Okay, smell it then.”

Me: “It smells like Ovaltine – go and have a shower, for goodness’ sake.”

Milking cows certainly has its moments and there were quite a few of those “moments” for Wayne because now that the grass has pretty much shrivelled up, the cows have been dining on a divine, juicy crop of rape and tender young millet. Never mind, it’ll settle in a day or two…

Cows grazing millet

They can barely walk because their pants are suddenly too tight

11 Comments

Filed under Cows, Farm, Pastures, People

11 responses to “What does the missing dairy farmer look like?

  1. bushbabe

    OMG. I see jeans that messy but never shirts at neck-height!!!!
    😉
    BB

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  2. Trish MLDB

    Oh dear glad we don’t have to milk our cows …though putting them through the yards always leads to someone getting a squirt.

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  3. Trish MLDB

    I stay right away , my husband, his father and his cousin do the drenching etc. FIL seems to alway cop the worse , he moves slower.

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  4. I’ve never received a blast like that, I must say, but I have been lashed by a cow’s tail while they are in the process, which is quite messy enough for me, thanks.

    Your tale made me laugh out loud at the visuals. Thank goodness your husband is a man of good humor and infinite patience.

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  5. When I got my very first job milking cows on a large dairy near here, my new boss pointed out to me, “That stuff splatters, you know.” Looks as if it is still true. lol Poor man!

    Like

  6. Justin Matthews

    I know the feeling all too well. Milking has lead to some interesting experiences especially the day that I milked cows on a suit for a photo shoot. Thankfully napisan works wonders soaking clothes over night.
    Though its always interesting bringing my overalls in for washing after a session if preg testing. Suffice to say I have now invested in an OB Gown that goes over the top to stop most of the damage.

    Like

  7. Oh dear… you had me weak with laughter here. The image of the poor dairy farmer milking in his shorts and gumboots… Well, what more can I say? 😀

    Like

  8. Pingback: Project “Thor” | The Milk Maid Marian

  9. Pingback: Well hello, Luscious Legs, how pregnant are we? | The Milk Maid Marian

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